Episode 35: A Side Piece Has No Name
We wanted to talk about side pieces because we all hear stories of people not knowing where they stand with the person they are seeing. Most times it is because they are a side piece, but they just don’t know it. As glorified as the side piece culture has grown, many are still oblivious to the rules that come with stepping into that situationship. Part of what we want to achieve with this episode is to outline the red flags that come up when someone is caught in a side piece type of relationship.
We start the episode by sharing the rules of the side piece agreement. We found this article via Huffington Post written by Zondra Hughes, The Sidepiece Agreement: 10 Rules for The Other Woman. It is a rule book of what to expect as the side piece in a situationship. Although it is originally written as rules for the woman, it can apply to anyone regardless of gender. These are the rules:
- You are the other person. This does not mean that you are the only other person. Act accordingly.
- Please focus on the stolen moments that we spend together. Do not concern yourself with my whereabouts when we are apart. Frankly speaking, my life outside of our time together is not your concern.
- Be comfortable with who you are to me; do not mention my significant other, as that person is not your concern. Do NOT compare yourself to my main partner in any way and do not attempt to contact them — to do so would be a breach of our agreement.
- Anticipate frequent changes in our plans; for the most part, a spur of the moment escape is the best that I can do.
- You must understand that maintaining a positive vibe while we are in each other’s company is vital to the success of our situationship. No bickering or nagging about promises that I didn’t keep.
- We are secret lovers; we can’t blast our situationship to the world. Please don’t tag me on Facebook, and don’t send me invitations to your work/family functions or events. Major holidays — more likely than not — will be missed.
- No discussions about “where this situationship is headed.” We are where we will be; together, in this moment. Enjoy it.
- Yes, I am still sleeping with my significant other, and we do not use condoms. Again, focus on our time together, and not what I do while we are apart.
- I am not interested in bringing a child into our situationship. By the way, an unplanned pregnancy will not force a relationship commitment of any kind from me nor will it guarantee a promotion to main status for you.
- There are no guarantees about the outcome of our situationship save one: I am a cheater at heart, and that won’t change unless I want it to. Until that happens, if you are promoted to the main, please know that yet another side piece will fill the vacancy that you’ve left behind.
Maddie, Lina D, and Westley share their points of view on side pieces and discuss the pros and cons of being a side piece. The most frustrating piece for Lina D is that certain people get into these situationships without acknowledging the consequences of the actions. There is also an assumption that the nature of the relationship with morph into something that it is not.
Maddie talks about the misogyny of the side piece culture, and how “the definition of the side chick is usually dependent on the man’s control – she is the side chick because he has said she is. However, why do his terms and his terms alone get to define the relationship?” There are some interesting points made in this article. We also discuss how men are applauded for getting the girl while only having to deal with her part-time while her main deals with all the “hard” stuff. However, women are criticized for having a side piece.
Make sure you listen to this episode for this juicy conversation piece.